Today as I move onto the mat in humble warrior, I especially feel a sense of peace, humility and gratitude. Today marks my three years of sobriety. Three years of no martinis, no tequila shots, no Rose with my Summer dinners and no Pinot Noir at Thanksgiving. Ask me, does it irk me, make me uncomfortable around others who drink, or long for Friday night cocktails. Simply, no. I finally feel comfortable in my own skin. I can breathe with solemn peace and love knowing that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, even when where I am surprises the heck out of me. Am I perfect, is my life perfect? No. But it’s one beautiful life. These days, I wake up joyful and filled with gratitude to spend another day creating, experiencing and loving. Yes, I do have crappy days. Days where my skin feels itchy, my head feels heavy and my spirit drags behind my feet. But, my wellness practice of Reiki, yoga and meditation processes what ails me and brings me back to center, back to myself.
That’s no easy feat. In my previous life, I spent the better part of four decades trying to avoid being even remotely uncomfortable. Processing emotion was not part of the plan. I was busy, busy, busy. Busy creating goals and executing them with precision. It was all about another notch on my resume, and I sadly believed ‘I’ was my resume and I was miserable. I created a life for perceived success, because didn’t success equal happiness? As I shoveled myself deeper into the pit of misery, my cocktails became more frequent and inextricably potent. Eventually, I did not even recognize who I was and the stress of trying not to feel anything resembling pain was in itself painful and truly freaking exhausting. Here’s the brutal truth, pain will come. What you do when she comes, is either an endless dance into the pit of misery or a time for mourning, learning and releasing. I now choose not to partner with self-inflicted martyrdom. It’s a choice I make everyday, when I wake with an open heart of gratitude, when I pray, when I meditate, when I practice and share Reiki, when I practice and teach yoga, when I practice forgiveness, patience, compassion and love, especially for that which I do not understand. I choose.
So as I celebrate three years of sobriety by stepping onto the mat, and I methodically move into humble warrior, I fall deeply into asana with a gentleness and kindness, and I understand that indeed today, I am a Humble Warrior.