On this beautiful Fall day, filled with sunshine and beautiful fall breezes, I am reminded of a similar day only a few years ago. This was the day my life did a somersault, the day theUniverse spoke. It began quite ordinarily, as most of my mornings began, quietly and playfully singing in the shower after meditation and a spin on the bike. On this particular day I sang joyfully, as my artisan boutique was gearing up for the winter holidays, my favorite time of year. I was filled with the excitement of the season. As my head went through the day's to-do list, I slowly did a yoga forward-fold to scrub my toes. In a brutal instant, my feet flew away from me and I landed full force at the edge of the tub. In a split second, my world literally and figuratively flipped.
I suffered blows just below my brow bone, barely missing an eye, and the crown of my head. Besides the severe headache and facial swelling plus bruising, I was barely able to walk without aid. I temporarily lost peripheral vision, could not concentrate, focus, and simply could not process sound above a whisper. Gratefully, CT scans did not detect a brain bleed, but this ‘accident’ changed my life. The concussion produced a raw feeling in my body, and yes my brain. I knew that I narrowly escaped leaving this world on that day. Yet, what dramatically shifted was how I literally felt in my body. There was a pronounced raw energetic feeling that vibrated through my core and every living cell.
One evening, shortly after the fall and at the end of a long and stressful day, I decided to make myself my favorite cocktail, second only to the martini. Meticulously, I stirred freshly squeezed orange juice, seltzer, lime and vodka into my favorite glass. As I slowly poured the liquid into my mouth and felt it flow through my body, within seconds there was an immediate high. There was the feeling that the ethanol was injected directly into my brain. In that very instant, I truly understood how anything and everything I ingest into my body is either processed joyfully or with depressed toxicity. Sure, intellectually, I knew we are what we eat, but I was literally experiencing the toxic effect in real time. I’ve consumed a healthy diet since my college years, but I’ve never been able to abstain from what I called the ‘liquid gold’. I loved the way alcohol could de-frazzle me within minutes. I loved the ritual of the evening cocktail to decompress, yet it seemed that I always needed decompressing. Certainly, I’ve had periods of abstaining, but those days were becoming far and very few indeed. Now my brain was screaming, ‘Hey Lady’ WTF are you doing???’ I needed to do some serious work, and then the realization came that I could not do it alone.
And so, I prayed. I fell to my knees and I prayed. I surrendered and asked God, Divine Spirit, the Universe, please help me as I simply cannot do this alone. I surrendered with an open heart, with humility and trust. This divine energy enveloped me and strengthened me in such miraculous ways that I can say today that I am sober. I marvel every day, every moment and every second that I am graced to be experiencing this beautiful world. I no longer take my health for granted. I honor my body as the vehicle it was meant to be. This magnificent mass of energy allows me to experience this earth with all of my senses, to feel love and compassion, to experience music, dance, to lend a hand to those in need and embrace my fellow humans in sadness and in joy.
The Universe spoke to me on that beautiful Fall morning. She whispered to me always, and when I fervently disregarded her beautifully inspired messages, she threw me to the ground to wake me up. Gratefully, I finally decided to listen.
Note: If you or someone is battling with addiction, please reach out for help. Though, in this story I share the power of prayer there were many holistic therapies and practices that I incorporated into my life. Please reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org for more information and resources.